Thankful for the Failures

 

Yes. I am blogging on Thanksgiving. Yes. I realize that no one is probably going to read this today because it is Thanksgiving and most people have already posted their annual “Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I’m thankful for…” status on Facebook and now intend to shun social media while they spend time with the turkey and dressing –I mean- Aunt Pearl and Uncle Roger. Family… Yes. Ahem. ;)

Anyway, when I read all the “thankfulness” statuses this morning (when I logged on to post my own) my mind couldn’t help but wander over to James 1:17.

So… Instead of posting a “thankfulness” status, I posted that verse because it honestly doesn’t matter whether or not you’re thankful if you don’t keep in mind who you’re thankful to. I hope that’s proper English. It sounds weird. Anyway… Sometimes, I think we’re aware that we’re “thankful” for the things that we have, yet we tend to forget about where they come from:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

James 1:17 (ESV)

I also think that sometimes we’re only thankful for some of the things in our lives. Not so much because we’re ungrateful, but because we don’t always recognize the perfect gifts that God gives. As I pondered this, something occurred to me that might be just a little bit different.

I am thankful for the failures in my life, this year.

Okay. So you might be thinking something along the lines of, “Hold up, Hotshot. What? The failures? You’re thankful that you screwed up this year? That’s it. Step away from the keyboard and go eat your turkey and dressing with your Aunt Pearl and Uncle Roger.”

Well… If you thought that, the joke’s on you because I don’t even have an Aunt Pearl OR an Uncle Roger (that I know of) and I am thankful for my screw-ups this year. All 7,842 of them. And I am going to list each and every one of them, their cause and effect below. Just kidding. I’m not. Actually, I’m just going to mention a few of them to prove to you that I’m not crazy and to perhaps spark some thoughts about some things that you might be thankful for that you didn’t even realize.

***

 

Failure #1: I’m thankful for the fact that I didn’t get to transfer to my dream school this semester.

Guys, I have wanted to go to this particular school for years and this past summer it FINALLY seemed like I might be able to go. However, as the Fall Term drew near my hope faded as my transfer date was pushed back to the Spring Term. At first, I was heartbroken and angry. I didn’t want to spend another semester at my current school and I simply didn’t want to accept the fact that I had to.

Then, my friends happened. They made this semester amazing. Looking back, I can’t even imagine giving up all the laughter, tears, and crazy adventures we got to share this semester –and the truth of the matter is that I’m almost sad that I won’t be there with them in the Spring. Thankfully, I won’t be too far away next semester. I’ll see most of them pretty much every week, but it won’t be the same as running into them at school every day and giggling about some ridiculous inside joke we have.

I’m also grateful for the people I’ve met this semester. Through FCA at my current school, I met someone who will be transferring to my new school with me in the Spring. Furthermore, He brought someone into my life that who challenges me (spiritually) in ways like no one else ever has -someone who walks closely with God, stays in the word, accepts none of the popular excuses Christians like to make, and challenges me to do the same. God is so good.

All because I didn’t get to go to my dream school on time.

Failure #2: I’m thankful for the failed relationships this year.

Okay, so this one is a little bit hard to write. Nevertheless, I’m thankful for the fact that the two guys I ALMOST dated this year didn’t work out.  Not because they’re bad guys and I’m glad to be rid of them. That’s not the case at all. I still love both of them to death. I just don’t want to date them.

Everyone knows how much failed relationships hurt –especially when you already have lingering hurts from past experiences. It’s almost like every failed relationship just hurts a little bit more than the last, but for the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I’m thankful for that hurt. Why?

Because it led me to reconsider what kind of guy I want to date and eventually marry. Looking back, I see that the three guys (if you count all the ones since I graduated high school) I almost dated were very similar in some ways and those ways are simply never going to be right for me.  Again… They’re not bad guys. It’s just that the qualities that would have been destructive in a relationship with me will be what make for successful relationships with other women one day.

All in all, I’d be willing to say these relationships’ failing ended up glorifying God so much more than their successes ever would have because it seems that everyone involved is better off now. I wish those young men the best and I look forward to seeing who they do end up with.

Every relationship that doesn’t work out ultimately pushes you one step closer to the one that will and I can’t wait to see who these failures push me closer to. =)

Random thought: Is it going to be weird if my future husband reads this one day? Hope not. Oh well, he’ll be my future husband anyway so it won’t matter. ;)

Failure #3: I’m thankful that I didn’t share the gospel this summer.

If the last one was difficult to write, this one is even more so. It sounds really bad to say it, but bear with me for a moment while I explain. This summer, I went to a mission camp in Mississippi. It was a week-long event and when I got there, I had every intention of sharing the gospel and leading kids to Christ. I was going to singlehandedly change the world.

Except I didn’t. In fact, I failed at just about everything. I didn’t share the gospel with a single kid. I didn’t even get along all that well with the students I was supposed to be ministering to. I was not being led by the Holy Spirit when I arrived at Camp Macon, and by that Wednesday (the halfway point), I didn’t even want to be there at all.

God brought me to my knees that night and I was completely humbled before Him from that day on, but I had to FAIL miserably before He could speak to me. He had to break me down before He could build me into something new. For that, I am thankful because I firmly believe that the only thing more dangerous to the sharing of the gospel than a hostile nonbeliever is a non-Spirit-led Christian.

Failure #4: I’m thankful that I didn’t finish NaNoWriMo.

I realize that after the last couple of failures, this one doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. However, it means so much more to me than what it may seem. For those of you who don’t know NaNoWriMo is short (if you want it call it that) for National Novel Writing Month. The challenge is to write 1,667 words a day every day in November in order to complete a novel in 30 days. The point is to teach writers how to be disciplined enough to write even when they don’t feel like it (because that’s what published writers have to do).

I started off NaNo (short for NaNoWriMo… that’s more like it, if you ask me) pretty strongly. I managed to get to 7,000+ words, which is more than I’ve ever accomplished before. And then I lost my flash drive. No, in my writing frenzy, I had not backed my work up. My NaNo project was gone. All 7,000+ words. Let me just say this. That is HUGE loss to try to make up for when you already have 1,667 words to write every day, so I put the project on hold in hopes of finding my flash drive before it was too late to catch up.

It’s November 28, and I haven’t found the flash drive. I failed NaNo, but there was definitely something to be gained from this failure. November has proven to be a pivotal month in my life. I feel as though I’ve drawn closer to God through the reading of his word and through fellowship with others that I might not have been able to do had I been slaving over all that writing day in and day out.

Failing NaNo has also benefited my writing, believe it or not. I learned that I like the discipline of having a set word count to make every day, but that word count is not 1,667. It’s more like 1,000 -and that’s okay. Every writer is different. Some authors claim to be able to write a “fast draft” in about a week (that’s about 9,000 words a day for a shorter novel), Nicholas Sparks reportedly writes 2,000 words a day, and one writer once told me that she wrote her book 600 words at a time. It’s all about what works for you.

Also through this failure, I’ve come to accept that writing will probably never be a career for me. As of right now, it is simply a ministry. A ministry that I love.

***

 

Alright, so I know that this probably wasn’t your typical blog post, but it's something that God laid on my heart this morning

As Christians, we should not only be thankful for everything that God gives us, but also the things that he doesn’t give us. At the end of the day, God's will is perfect, his timing is perfect, and every gift he gives is perfect.

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! May God bless you all!